Love and Other Bruises
by sesheta255
Summary: More random stupidity. All's fair in love and war. Kaidan and Shepard go head to head.  Who will come out on top?
1. Chapter 1

**Love and Other Bruises**

_A random stupidity put together by cannabilising bits from a much longer fic that I have in progress. (sorry Night!)._

_Thanks go to Star, Night and Shenzi for their attempts at keeping me from slipping further into insanity while I write._

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**Chapter 1**

Kaidan was in the middle of yet another argument with Shepard, and he was becoming increasingly frustrated. He wanted her to take a couple of day's shore leave to rest and Dr Chakwas had backed him up. She had been pushing herself way too hard lately and had received a fairly hard hit on the head on their recently completed mission.

"You are the one who insisted on making me your XO, Shepard, so I'm taking charge for a couple of days. At the moment I'm fighting the urge to put you over my knee and spank some sense into you. If you don't stop being so damned stubborn I will incapacitate you." He was trying to keep a lid on the anger her stubbornness and refusal to listen to reason was causing.

She started heading to the door confident that he was bluffing. "It's just a little bump on the head for God's sake. I survived headbutting a Krogan, I can survive this. I'm going to see Miranda."

"Damn it, Shepard! Don't say you weren't warned." He accompanied his words with a stasis field that locked her in place.

Dropping the stasis field a few minutes later, he knew he would pay for it when she was back to full strength if the anger on her face was any indication, but right at this moment he didn't care. "It won't hurt you to have a couple of days break and get some rest, you're not a hundred percent fit."

"But it's sure as hell going to hurt you. I'll get some rest after I call Joker and tell him to send Grunt up here to have a nice little talk with you!"

"Calling Joker is not going to happen. I've tinkered with the comm so you can't make any outgoing calls, and jury rigged the door. It will only open on a command from my omnitool."

"Forget Grunt. I'll kick your ass myself and I won't need my biotics to do it either!" She stood ramrod straight, her hands clenching into fists as she tried to rein in her temper.

"You can either go to bed and rest like Dr Chakwas told you to do, or I swear I will tie you up and dump you there. If you won't think of yourself, at least think of the crew. We could all do with a break."

At the mention of the crew some of the fire went out of her eyes. "Oh, Joker would love that footage to hold over us. Besides, I'm sure the good doctor would love another chance to rub some medigel onto your wounded ass once I'm done kicking it."

"Can we have a conversation that doesn't always come back to my ass?"

She leaned to the left and made a show of inspecting his ass. "No Kaidan, I really don't think we can. It is one of your best features after all."

"Please just for once do as I ask. I need to go and speak to Joker and Miss Lawson, and I want to know that you are going to be here, resting, when I get back."

"It's not like I'm going to get in a firefight on the ship Kaidan." She grinned at him suddenly, "Well not unless someone makes a grab at your ass anyway."

He'd had enough of this, and didn't trust her sudden change of mood. He walked to the door of the cabin and opened it. "Get some rest. I'll be back soon." He left the cabin and waited a few moments outside the now locked door. He was rewarded by the sound of her fiddling with the door then her booted foot kicking it.

After checking the galaxy map he headed to the bridge. "Joker, head to Illium. I think it's about time we had a bit of shore leave before we all go stir crazy. Keep an eye on Shepard for me and let me know if she gets in any trouble."

"Aye Aye Commander." Joker didn't bother to question the orders. It was about time Alenko grew some balls and started acting like the Commander his rank proclaimed him to be. "It's going to suck to be you in a couple of day's time. Do me a favour, and make sure you're not standing near me when Shepard decides to exact her pound of flesh. It's a bitch trying to get blood out of these uniforms."

* * *

Kaidan didn't hurry to return to the cabin, knowing that Joker or EDI would be monitoring Shepard and would alert him in the event of an emergency. He was relieved to see that she was asleep when he returned as he set about undoing the modifications he'd made to the comm and the door. He couldn't help wondering how long it would be before she exacted retribution for the stasis field as he undressed and slid into bed beside her.

He awoke to find her staring angrily at him. "Don't think I'm going to forget about that stasis field you threw at me or that you locked me in the cabin either. What if there had been an emergency?"

He couldn't help grinning even though he knew she was quite serious. "Joker would have let me know if there'd been an emergency. I asked him to keep an eye on you."

"Joker? I thought you would have known by now not to encourage him. You and I are going toe to toe. And I hope you like cold showers because you'll be having them for quite a while after that little stunt."

He sat up and stretched. "You really think you can take me one on one? You know that when I beat you it will destroy your legend status. And knowing you as I do, I don't really think I'll be taking too many cold showers, Mary Sue."

"You really have a death wish don't you? How many times have I told you not tocall me that? We'll see whose legend status is destroyed. As for the other, you're not as irresistable as you think you are, Alenko."

He was about to respond to her when Joker interrupted. "Hey Commander, I hope you are going to let me know when that match is on. That's definitely one I don't want to miss. Although, my money is on you, Shepard."

"God damn it Joker. How many times have I told you not to listen in to my cabin? I'm still more than a match for you, despite certain people thinking that I'm feeble and in need of a rest, so unless you have something important to say you'd better get your butt to the cargo bay and I'll prove it."

"Hey I'm not stupid enough to go up against you, in any condition Shepard. Just letting you two Commander's know we'll be at Illium in an hour."

She looked at Kaidan, one eyebrow raised. "This is mutiny you know, and another reason for me to kick your ass, which I will do once these few days of shore leave that you've imposed on me are over."

"I seem to recall a certain commander that was willing to mutiny once before."

"That was different and you know it. That was necessary. This is just you trying to prove to Joker that you're not under my thumb."

He avoided further argument by rolling out of bed and heading for the shower. Whether she agreed or not, they definitely needed some time off the ship. _It might at least take her mind off kicking my ass._


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

They'd been on Ilium for two days and Shepard had so far refused to accompany him off the ship. He needed a break from the craziness of the Normandy's crew. It worried him that Shepard still had it in her head that they were going toe to toe as soon as this shore leave was over. His vision of going toe to toe with Shepard was very different from hers at this point though. Remembering her promise of cold showers he pushed those thoughts aside as he boarded the Normandy a number of hours later. He was on his way to their shared cabin when Joker called him to the bridge.

"Thank God you're back. You need to do something about your girlfriend. She's bored and annoying the hell out of me. Can't you and the Doc sedate her or something?"

He groaned aloud. "What's she done now? She's supposed to be resting."

"She hasn't done anything, _yet._ But she's been trying to get me to take the Normandy and leave you stranded here. She is really going to wipe the floor with you when this shore leave is over, you know." Joker paused for a moment before adding, "I am _so _looking forward to that match."

"So she was just going to take off without me and leave me stranded on Ilium?" Kaidan ran a hand through his hair, trying to ignore Joker's grin. _I should have known she'd go stir crazy with nothing to do._

"You're putting me in a bad position you know Alenko. She'll be back in charge in another day or so and I definitely do not want to be on Shepard's bad side. You might also want to have a talk to Jack, lay down the law. I get the distinct feeling that she's planning something with Shepard, and if I were you I'd be very afraid."

"How does anyone 'lay down the law' to Jack? Can't you get Lawson to speak to her?"

"Very carefully I'd imagine. It might be alright coming from you. She likes you, but if you leave it up to Miranda to tell her it will make the firefight against the Collectors look like a scene from Galaxy of Fantasy." Joker watched the various expressions on Kaidan's face with glee.

Kaidan didn't even bother answering, he simply turned on his heel and headed to the cabin. How the hell Shepard had managed to make such a cohesive and lethal squad out of this bunch of misfits, even with all her powers of persuasion and people skills, was a complete mystery to him.

Shepard was sitting up in bed and closed down the terminal on her lap as he entered. He looked at her suspiciously.

"I can tell by your face that Joker's been telling tales. Don't worry I'm just checking my messages, and resting as ordered."

He almost expected her to poke out her tongue. "I know you're bored Shepard, but you chose to stay in the cabin. And leave Joker alone. He's already enough of a pain in the ass as it is without you getting him stirred up. Any interesting messages?"

"Well it depends if you count the usual death threats as interesting. I don't know where the hell all the scum of the galaxy manage to get my contact information from. Maybe I should ask Liara to look into it for me."

He thought of what Joker had told him earlier. "You wouldn't have really left me stranded here would you?"

"After the stasis field you mean? Damn right I would have." She gave him a grin.

"So how is Liara these days?" He decided a change in subject was necessary before she got wound up over the stasis field again.

"She's changed. It surprised me. She's a lot harder now."

"We've all changed and gotten harder."

"Cold showers not working for you?" She grinned and then sighed heavily. "Nothings ever easy is it?"

"Easy would bore you to tears Shepard."

"You're probably right. But I don't plan on doing this forever. Let someone else take over as the saviour of the galaxy. I don't remember signing up for that at the recruitment office."

"You're making plans. Anything I need to know about?" He was very curious as to just what Shepard had in store for him in the future.

"You don't have to worry just yet. I'll make my plans when we get the job done and I'm sure you'll be the first to know. But right now the only plan you need to know about is the one where I send you to the mess to get me something to eat. I'm starving. I'd go myself but someone ordered me to rest."

"Must have been someone incredibly brave to order you around." He chuckled, relieved that her anger seemed to have abated.

"Yeah, he'll need that bravery if I don't get something to eat soon."

"Alright I get the hint. Going now ma'am." He threw a salute at her. "We'd better hope that we get well paid when this is all over otherwise I won't be able to afford to feed you."

"Comments like that might just earn you a few less cold showers," she said, grinning as he walked out the door.

As he headed towards the mess he wondered what had brought on Shepard's playful mood. Whatever it was, it was sure to bite him on the ass. _No doubt I'll find out soon enough._ His thoughts turned to the future. He had his own plans for the future even if he hadn't mentioned them to her yet. They still had to survive the Reaper threat before he could let himself think too much about them.

He checked in with Lawson while he was waiting for Gardner to fill a tray with food. So far the crew had been behaving themselves on shore leave and he wanted to make sure there were no new problems. Then he went in search of Jack. That conversation went better than he expected.

He delivered the tray of food to Shepard and watched, smiling as she ate enough food to feed three non biotic marines. He was starting to get worried though. She'd be back in charge in another day which meant he was going to have to go through with this one on one match she seemed intent on having with him. The trouble was he wasn't a hundred percent sure that he'd beat her, not when she was so determined to prove her fitness _and_ kick his ass. _At least I know not to underestimate her, but I'll never live it down if she wins._

She stood up and stretched. "I'm going to have a shower."

"Want some company?" He decided to keep things light, while she was in a good mood.

"I prefer my showers hot, but thanks for the offer." She leaned forward and kissed his cheek.

"I can heat it up for you." He pulled her into his arms and took it as a good sign that she didn't resist.

"Now I know you've been spending too much time with Jacob. I wouldn't be taking lessons in seduction lines from him if I were you."

"And you know about Taylor's seduction lines because…?"

"Relax. I heard him in action when we all went for drinks. God, that was embarrassing. I had to pretend I didn't know him. Garrus was taking notes though, I think." She laughed as she pushed away from him and headed into the bathroom.

He thought about joining her in the shower but decided to let her have her little game for the moment. It was keeping her amused if nothing else. Besides she was expecting him to cave in first and he wouldn't give her the satisfaction of winning that one.

* * *

It was the last day of shore leave and Kaidan and Shepard were sitting in the mess having breakfast when they were joined by Dr. Chakwas and Miranda.

"Good to see you're in such high spirits Shepard, any particular reason? asked as she noticed the grin on Shepard's face.

"Once today's over I can get back to kicking some butt, starting with the very fine one of Staff Commander Kaidan Alenko." She grinned at Kaidan who was looking down at the floor trying not to let his embarrassment show.

"Well I don't have to worry too much then. I know how much you like that particular part of my anatomy, there's no way you'd risk damaging it." He'd meant to say it quietly so only Shepard could hear it but from the grins on both Dr. Chakwas and Lawson's faces it was obvious they'd heard it too.

"Don't worry about it Kaidan, I'll be on standby and I'm quite capable of patching up any damage that Shepard might do in that area for you." Dr Chakwas said seriously.

Dr. Chakwas' comment had Shepard laughing out loud. She mouthed, "told you so" at him. He glared at her as he felt his face redden. A strategic and dignified retreat was definitely called for. He stood and left the mess with as much dignity as he could muster given the laughter of the three women. The doctor's comment did remind him however that it was time he set some ground rules for this match up that Shepard was determined to have.

A while later he went in search of Shepard. He found her in the armoury picking up her assault rifle to clean. Jacob assured her he'd taken care of it but Kaidan knew she wouldn't be happy until she'd done the job herself.

"Shepard we need to lay down some ground rules for this match you're so determined to have."

Jacob looked up from the sub machine gun he was cleaning. "So you two are really going head to head? I haven't decided yet which one of you will take the _prize_."

Shepard rolled her eyes at the use of the word 'prize' and grinned at Kaidan. "Scared I might hurt you Alenko?"

"Ha, hardly. But I know you. You'll fight dirty when you realise you're losing."

"You don't need to worry about that seeing as I don't intend to lose." With that she carried her assault rifle out of the armoury and headed to her cabin with Kaidan following.

He watched as she pulled out her cleaning kit and began stripping down the rifle.

"So about these ground rules…. No weapons, and that includes biotics, no low blows, and no fighting dirty."

"I thought you liked adventurous women Kaidan. You're taking all the fun out this, but I'll go along with it, _for now._ I told you before I won't need biotics to kick your ass."

"So when is this match to be scheduled? I think we should decide on what 'prize' the winner gets."

"Take that grin off your face, Kaidan. I'm pretty sure I know what 'prize' you want. Sick of cold showers already?"

"I'd never refer to you as a prize, Shepard. We'll see who outlasts who in the cold shower department. I have two years experience up on you there." He cursed himself for reminding her about those two years.

"We can't pretend it didn't happen. Don't beat yourself up Kaidan." She walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him briefly before adding "That's my job at say 1400 hours tomorrow. And now I'm going to head down to the mess. I'm starving."

"It's not that long since you ate Shepard. You can't possibly be hungry again, you haven't been doing anything." He followed her down to the mess and watched as she grabbed a tray full of food before sitting opposite Jack who eyed the tray and shook her head.

"I'm very disappointed in you Jack. I thought you at least would stick your fingers up at authority and side with me."

"Well your boyfriend did ask nicely. Besides he has a much better ass than you. Doesn't mean I won't be cheering for you when you two go head to head. Tell me honestly, who's going to win?"

"Why, what odds is Joker giving? I hope you're not suggesting I throw the fight just so you can take Joker to the cleaners. I am Commander Shepard, the best ass kicker in the galaxy. I can't lose, it would give Kaidan too much satisfaction."

"The best, Shepard? You wish. We might need to go head to head to prove that claim. Unless you lose to your boyfriend, of course. Then I guess I'll have to prove who the galactic bad ass is by groping him."

Shepard put down her fork and looked straight at Jack. "I think you mean grappling. Any groping of my boyfriend and we will go head to head Jack, and I guarantee I'll win that one. But hey, on the bright side, you'll have a few new scars to get tattooed."

"Fuck. You can be a real pain in the ass when you get in this mood you know, Shepard. See, this is why I hate having friends."

Shaking his head, Kaidan made his way through the mess to see Garrus aware that both women's eyes were on him. _Damn I wish she'd stop encouraging every female on this ship to look at my butt._ He was starting to get paranoid about walking through the ship, not to mention that it gave Joker more ammunition.

"Garrus, do you have some spare time?"

Garrus looked up from his terminal. "Sure Kaidan. What's up?"

"I thought you might like to do some light sparring with me." Kaidan sat on the bench near Garrus.

"Oh, that's right. You and Shepard are going head to head. Joker never told me how that came about. Just said to ask you."

"Yeah I bet he did. If you really want to know, I put her in a stasis field and locked her in the cabin." At Garrus' wide mouthed stare he added, "It was for her own good."

"Wait. Did you say you put Shepard in stasis? You are _so_ dead. Guess I know who to put my money on now. You must really be confident that she's not going to hurt you too much." To his credit Garrus was trying his hardest not to laugh.

"Not you too Garrus? Why does everyone think that Shepard will win? I'm a marine too and have extensive hand to hand combat training, and I'm stronger than she is."

"Yeah but you don't have Shepard's training, or temper, and no offense, but she's twice as stubborn as you. You could break every bone in her body and she'd still keep fighting."

"You're right. But I'll be damned if I'm going to let her win. I don't know where she got this crazy idea from in the first place."

"It's probably my fault. Before we went through the Omega Four relay we were discussing the differences between the way turians and humans prepare for a mission. I told her that turians settle differences by going one on one in supervised hand to hand combat."

"Thanks for that Garrus. Now I know who to blame for getting me into this mess."

"Don't blame me, Kaidan. I didn't tell you to put her in a stasis field. C'mon, we'll go down to the cargo bay and I'll teach you a few tricks. They may not win the match for you but they may slow Shepard down a bit."

He was relieved to see that Shepard had left the mess as he walked to the elevator with Garrus. _She's probably hanging out with Joker, both of them laughing at my expense._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Kaidan and Shepard made their way to the mess the next morning through the still mostly deserted ship. It seemed that everyone was making the most of their last morning of shore leave, although Kaidan was aware of the speculative glances thrown their way by the few remaining crew members already in the mess.

"I'm heading off, Kaidan. I need to talk to Miranda, then I think I'll grab an hour of shore leave myself to get a few items." She gave him a wink as she headed off towards Miranda's office.

"Shopping? You hate shopping, Shepard."

"Sometimes even I need some things that aren't weapons mods." She gave a mock sigh as she continued walking.

Kaidan watched her walk away. She was definitely up to something and that didn't bode well for his peace of mind. She had refused to leave the ship since they'd docked. Now with only a couple of hours before they were due to leave, she suddenly had to go shopping. He was still sitting at the table deep in thought ten minutes later when the two women came out and headed for the elevator. He thought about following them but decided to go and talk to Garrus instead. He was staying right away from Joker today, although lately Garrus was almost as bad.

He caught up with Shepard a few hours later, after they'd left Ilium. He wasn't surprised to find her in the mess at her usual seat. The servings on her plate were small however compared to what she normally ate.

"Not feeling well, Shepard?" He looked pointedly at the plate.

"I'm fine, Kaidan. Just didn't want to go into our match on a full stomach." She grinned up at him.

"Are you really sure you want to do this Shepard?" Kaidan asked. Despite the grin on her face she seemed to be taking this one on one match a bit too seriously. It meant he would have to be on his toes or she'd wipe the floor with him.

"You can always back out if you want Kaidan."

"No. I'm just giving _you_ a chance to back out gracefully."

"Relax Kaidan, it will be fun." She patted his arm reassuringly while the look on her face was anything but reassuring.

He had a bad feeling, but was saved from commenting by the arrival of Garrus, Tali, and Jack who joined them at the table.

Jack stuffed a large piece of pancake in her mouth, eyeing Shepard as she chewed. "Fraternizing with the enemy Shepard? That's no way to go into a fight. I knew deep down you were a pussy."

"Jack, it's a bit hard not to fraternize when 'the enemy' sleeps in the same bed."

In a low voice Kaidan murmured to Shepard, "Really?. I didn't notice any fraternizing going on last night _or_ this morning," which made her giggle and drew strange looks from their breakfast companions. Out loud he added "So, I'm 'the enemy' now am I? Nice to know."

"Don't look so worried Kaidan. It could be worse. She could be making you go on a mission in the Hammerhead. At least you know you won't die in this sparring match. With Shepard's driving that's not always a given in the Hammerhead." Garrus said with a chuckle and a grin on his face.

"That bad, huh?" Kaidan grinned.

"You have no idea. It really makes me miss the Mako."

"Garrus I can always go one on one with you after I beat Kaidan's butt, if you like."

"No, Its fine Shepard, really. Kaidan's the only suicidal one around here and he has an edge the rest of us don't have."

"An edge Garrus?" She looked at him through narrowed eyes.

"Well, he's probably the only person that still walks, talks, and breathes after putting you in stasis. You must really love him."

"Take that silly grin off your face Alenko," she said without even looking at him. "Garrus, I figure I'd get way too much crap from Anderson and the Alliance if anything drastic happened to him."

Tali finished her breakfast and stood up. "I better head back down to engineering and make sure there are no problems." She was heading for the elevator when Shepard called her back.

"Have you heard from Kal Reegar lately, Tali? How is he doing?"

"He's fine. He 's still escorting a science team, trying to find out about dark energy."

"Kal Reegar is Tali's sweetheart, Kaidan." Shepard said in response to the baffled look on his face. "It's so sweet. He even calls her 'ma'am'. Reminds me of someone." She added with a grin at Kaidan.

"Um…yes…well…I really have to get back to engineering. See you." Tali made a hurried exit from the mess.

"I bet she's blushing like crazy in that suit." Shepard laughed.

"There's no way I am ever telling you about, or introducing you to, any woman I might meet, Shepard." Garrus said as he stood up to leave.

"Yeah, I'm going too. Shepard will make me throw up if she keeps this up much longer." Jack stood giving Shepard a disgusted look. "I hope you're going to get serious soon, Shepard. I've got money riding on the outcome of this fight."

Shepard stood and stretched. "I'm going to change, then warm up down in the cargo bay."

Sighing, Kaidan stood and headed to the cargo bay. As soon as he entered he noticed someone had already set up a ring of sorts. Garrus joined him and they stood silently watching as Shepard entered and began to warm up.

"Remind me again how you got yourself into this Kaidan."

"Shut up Garrus. I can do without that at the moment. Now, you're supposed to be supervising this match. Make sure you break it up before anyone gets hurt. We _do_ have a mission, remember."

"You sound worried Kaidan."

"She just seems to be taking this whole thing a bit more seriously than I'd like, that's all."

"May I remind you that _you _are the one who brought up my legend status amongst the crew Kaidan? But don't worry, you know that Dr. Chakwas will be standing by to patch you up. She seems to be looking forward to it." Shepard interjected. She grinned broadly at him as she threw a punch at the punching bag.

"You're definitely in trouble, my friend." Garrus laughed and slapped him on the back.

A steady stream of off-duty crew began arriving as the match's start time drew near. For those on duty, Joker had promised a running commentary as well as a screening of the footage when they finished their shifts. Kaidan shook his head at the festive atmosphere. _They're even passing around snacks for God's sake,_ he thought sourly. He was going to make Shepard pay for this somehow.

"I'm ready whenever you are Garrus." Shepard said walking over to where they were both standing. "Ready Kaidan?"

"Just remember our rules, Shepard." Kaidan walked to the middle of the ring and stood waiting. He'd never actually seen Shepard in hand to hand, but given her training and sheer stubbornness he knew not to take her for granted. She joined him in the ring. Her stance appeared relaxed but he wasn't fooled into thinking she was anything less than ready to move instantly in any direction.

They circled each other, waiting to see who would make the first move. _Relax,_ Kaidan told himself as he threw a right that she blocked easily with her forearms. She returned with a jab of her own that he only just managed to block. _Damn she was quick._

After a number of feints he actually managed to get past her guard. He grabbed the front of her shirt only to be rocked backwards as her right hand grabbed his in a vice like grip while her left followed through to his chin. She followed this with a knee to his inner thigh in a blow that just missed his groin.

"Hey! Careful Shepard!"

"Don't worry Kaidan, I won't damage any important bits." She grinned and stepped back allowing him time to get to his feet.

They continued to spar. At times Kaidan thought he was beginning to best her but she always came back strongly. After the third time she managed to kick his inner thigh he realised that her aim was deliberate and she was sticking to their rule of no low blows. He knew he'd have some nice bruises in a few hours. Each time she came close he noticed her eyes twinkling with enjoyment. _I suppose I should at least be thankful she isn't going for the quick kill. That would be humiliating. _

They'd been going for quite a while when Garrus called a break. Kaidan sighed with relief. He was holding his own so far but it probably wouldn't be long before Shepard took him down. He watched out of the corner of his eye as she drank some water and received what he presumed were tips from Jack. _Not that she needs any_ he thought ruefully. He had managed to throw her on her back once so far but she'd been back on her feet before he'd been able to take advantage of it. _I'll either need to take her by surprise or distract her to gain any advantage. Whatever I do, I'll probably pay for it later._

As the match began again he headed towards her swiftly, catching her before she turned. He wrapped his arms around her body intending to sweep her legs out from beneath her. She responded intuitively, throwing her head back to bloody his nose as she stomped down hard on his foot. He released her and staggered backwards, clutching his nose.

"Damn it Shepard, what the hell was that?" he gasped. Garrus stepped between them, stopping the action to lead Kaidan over to Dr. Chakwas. Kaidan, his head still reeling, found himself feeling sorry for the Krogan she'd reportedly head butted. _Her skull is like concrete._

After a moment Shepard joined him, watching as Dr Chakwas tended to him. "That's what happens to people that don't follow their own rules. And stop being a baby, it's not broken! I deliberately held back. I told you I wouldn't risk any permanent damage to you." She leaned close to whisper in his ear, "If you're lucky I might even kiss it better for you later."

She'd be doing more than that if he had his way. He had major plans for payback forming in his mind. He just hoped he had the willpower to go through with it, but one way or another he'd have a victory over her. He gave her a smug look and was pleased to see that it had disconcerted her. It was a minor victory for him, but at this stage he'd take it. She wasn't looking quite so smug now.

Standing up he said "Let's get this over with then." He headed back to the centre of the ring. She followed and took up her stance in front of him again.

The fight continued, with the advantage going back and forth between them. As Kaidan began to wonder how much longer he could continue, the distraction he'd been hoping for materialised as Jack shouted. "Stop being a pussy and go for his nuts, Shepard!"

Shepard giggled, her concentration lost momentarily and she hesitated. He lunged at her, the momentum carrying them both to the floor.

Kaidan straddled her hips and leaned forward pinning her arms to the floor. Leaning closer he whispered in her ear "How about we call it a draw and head to the cabin? You can start on the kissing better idea."

Before she could reply Joker's voice rang out. "Yes! I am so going to win. I'm the only one that had 'they'll get frisky in the middle of the fight' in the betting pool."

Shepard wiggled against him looking for leverage as he pressed down harder against her to prevent her movement. She smiled up at him, relaxing slightly, then swung her hips hard, flipping him over and pinning him to the floor beneath her.

_Well this is just great._ While he had no problems with this position when they were alone, it was causing serious problems here, and if she didn't move soon he wouldn't be able to stand up without a great deal of embarrassment. He tried to think of anything he could that would take the thoughts he was having away. _Think Udina, think Udina_ was a litany he repeated over and over in his mind.

He heard Jack yell something about if she wanted to see this kind of action she'd look at extranet sites with Joker. At least he thought it was Jack, he couldn't concentrate on anything at the moment.

Shepard looked down as she continued to wiggle on top of him. "You ready to give up now, Kaidan?"

"I thought we agreed you wouldn't fight dirty."

"All's fair in love and war. And this is _definitely_ war, my love."

"You are so going to pay for this you know. I've taken my last cold shower!"

"What are you going to do Kaidan? We're in a cargo bay full of people. People that are about to hear you say 'uncle'"

"Hope they're not holding their breaths. Don't get too cocky just yet. I've still got some tricks up my sleeve. Besides, you have to come back to the cabin at some point."

"Hmm, this I have to see. I'm not the one who's 'cocky' at the moment though." She wiggled against him again for good measure.

He grimaced. He didn't like letting her get away with this although he knew that his most effective tricks were more suitable for when they were alone. He was saved from having to choose between embarrassment and inaction by Joker.

"Damn I hate to do this, but I have Anderson waiting on the comm. He says he needs to speak to you both immediately."

"Looks like you owe Joker and Anderson. They just saved your very fine ass." Shepard stood up and held out her hand to him.

"I think you've got that the wrong way around, Shepard. But I'm willing to call it a draw for the sake of your status with the crew." Grabbing her outstretched hand he pulled himself to his feet.

"Oh, come on Kaidan. You _know_ I was holding back. I didn't want to do any permanent damage to you. You won't always be restricted to cold showers you know."

"Real funny, Shepard. Since when do you hold back in anything you do? "

"C'mon we better see what's so important that Joker was willing to break this up and forego the footage for blackmail purposes."

* * *

After speaking to Anderson they headed to the bridge.

"I'm very disappointed in you Shepard." Joker turned and gave her a forlorn look.

"Why is that Joker? It wouldn't have something to do with you not making a killing on the bets you had going would it?" Shepard grinned at him.

"Why else? You could have finished Alenko off, _if_ you'd actually been trying, and made me a much richer man. Although technically I did win because you two did get frisky. It might have gotten quite interesting if Anderson hadn't called."

"We did not get 'frisky', Joker. Well I didn't anyway." She cast a glance at Kaidan who had obviously decided it was best to stay quiet.

"C'mon Shepard, who are you trying to kid here? I've watched enough stuff on the extranet and know you two well enough by now to spot frisky when I see it." He gave Kaidan an amused look, pleased to see the slight pink colour beginning on his cheeks.

"Alright, fun's over Joker. Anderson wants us to head to the Phi Clio system in the Rosetta Nebula. Seems there's been some suspicious activity there lately. He thinks Cerberus might be involved and wants us to check it out." Kaidan spoke a bit more harshly than he'd intended.

"Aye Aye Commander. You're letting your frustration show you know, Alenko. It might be time for you to have another one of those cold showers." With that he turned back to the Normandy's controls snickering as Kaidan left the bridge muttering under his breath.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Later in their cabin, Kaidan watched as Shepard went through a series of stretches.

"I need a long, hot shower, it's been a while since I did any hand to hand and my muscles will feel it in the morning," she said, rolling her shoulders.

"I'd give you a massage but I seem to recall you saying something about kissing my Shepard inflicted injuries better." He grinned at her.

"Didn't think you'd forget that. But there's no reason we can't have both. " She walked over to where he was sitting and dropped a light kiss on the tip of his nose. "There, your injury is kissed better."

"I have more injuries than just that one. I have some nice bruises developing in several places."

"Really?" she smirked. "Show me."

"Here." He pointed towards his chin. She responded by leaning forward to kiss it.

"Here." He pointed to a spot on his chest. She laughed and kissed his chest. He pulled her onto his lap; an act that he immediately regretted as she came into contact with some of the bruises on his thighs and without thinking he pushed her off his lap and onto the floor. Given the recent uncertainty of her temper it was with some relief that he realised she was laughing as she lay on the floor at his feet.

She stood up rubbing her bottom. "I think I have a few bruises myself that may need to be kissed better now."

He laughed. "Is that your subtle way of telling me to kiss your ass? It's your fault for kicking me in the first place. Are you ready to concede defeat now, or do I need to throw you on the floor again?"

"You know I was going to let you off the cold shower regime and model what I bought today on my shopping trip, but now I don't think I will." She stood with one hand on her hip and grinned at him.

"I'd forgotten about that shopping trip. What did you buy that needed Lawson's help?"

She walked over and opened a drawer, pulling out several scraps of lace and silk which she held up for him to see. "Now the interesting thing is that you'll never know when I have any of this on under my armour." With that she turned and headed for the bathroom.

He groaned. She was definitely trying to shorten his life. _But she's not going to have it all her own way_ he thought as he stripped and followed her to the bathroom.

He entered the bathroom to find that she was already in the shower. She didn't seem to notice his entry for she had her back to him and was washing her hair. He stood for a moment to admire the view before joining her in the shower. He began massaging her shoulders and was rewarded with a sigh of relief

He stopped and she leaned back against him. He grinned and picking up the soap allowed his hands to stroke and slide down the front of her body as he bathed her. She wriggled with pleasure under his hands. Recognizing his own body beginning to respond he drew in a breath, willing himself to maintain control and as her breathing became ragged he stopped, stepping back from her.

"Why are you stopping?" She turned to face him.

"Well I thought I was on cold showers." He drew in another calming breath, working to keep his voice normal. _This is going to take more will power than I thought._

"It's a bit late for that now don't you think?" She put her arms around his neck, rubbing her body against his own.

He took her hands in his own, holding her away. "Well I wouldn't want you to back down on your principles. It's not like you to back down once you've taken a stand."

"Oh, so this is payback because I beat you today? Don't think that I don't know what you're up to. I thought you were bigger than that." Still breathing hard she looked down noting with satisfaction that he wasn't as unaffected as he wanted her to believe.

"Well I think you'll find it will go down as a draw." He leaned forward, whispering suggestions into her ear that he would never say out loud, just in case Joker was listening in.

"You are a very devious man Alenko." She pulled one of her hands free from his grasp and reached out to stroke his face.

"I have to be to keep up with you." His hands began another slow exploration of her body.

" Uncle! Uncle! I give up! You win. You are by _far_ the best marine ever to don an Alliance uniform. Or take one off for that matter. The Alliance is very lucky to have someone with your many attributes." She eyed him appreciatively. "I love you to distraction Kaidan, but if you don't finish what you started soon I am going to get very mean."

Kaidan laughed. "What, as opposed to the mild mannered, patient person you normally are?"

"Just don't forget, two can play this game. I might demonstrate that later."

"I'll look forward to it. I still have a few injuries you haven't kissed better yet." He reached behind her and flicked the shower off.

"You talk way too much Kaidan. Shut up and get over here," she said, pulling his head down to hers.

He picked her up and carried her to the bed where the only talking heard for quite some time were whispered endearments.

* * *

Later he lay with his head on her chest as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"Ouch. What was that for?" He said as Shepard pulled a hair from his head.

"You had a grey hair. Look." She held the offending hair out for his inspection

"Yeah I wonder how I got that." Kaidan looked at her pointedly.

"Hey don't look at me. I've been dead for two years so I'm not to blame." She sighed dramatically. "Guess I just have to face the fact that my lover is old. I've got a sugar daddy."

"I'll give you sugar daddy. I'm not so old that I can't keep up with you. Well not yet, anyway."

"How about you prove that right now?" She wriggled out from under him and propped herself up on an elbow so she could see his face.

"What, you don't think I've proved it enough already tonight?"

"Well a girl can never have enough proof you know."

Kaidan sighed. "And you used to be so trusting. The things I have to do for you Shepard."

"Well if you'd rather not…"

"Oh, I didn't say that." He wrapped his arms around her pulling her closer.

"See that's what happens to sugar daddies, they can't keep their much younger trophy girlfriends happy."

So if I got a trophy what did I win a prize for?"

Her eyes rolled at his use of the word prize. "I thought you were just about to show me, but you old people prefer to talk, or sleep, so I'm told."

"Well I _am_ carrying injuries."

"Hmm, well I didn't notice them slowing you down earlier."

He grinned. "That was before I started to stiffen up. You may have to take the lead. But be gentle, I'm old and injured you know."

She raised an eyebrow at the word 'stiffen' and laughed before taking him up on his suggestion.

Much much later Kaidan lay on his back awake, thinking about Shepard. He didn't know what the future had in store for them but one thing was sure, it wouldn't be dull. He chuckled and placed a kiss on the top of her head before closing his eyes and falling asleep.


End file.
